Oh, Good Grief

Look at that face. Yep, the one to the left. See it? It describes exactly how I feel about a challenge I've been given. If it showed her kicking and screaming, it would be a bit more accurate. What's the challenge you say? What could possibly reduce a grown, adult woman to such childish behavior? Dating. What a horrendously scary little word.

It all started last New Year's eve when, after having a couple of beers, I stated that my resolution for the year was to have one date. Yes, I'm a loser and have very low expectations of myself. One date was all I was asking for. Well, by February I got my wish. I had a date! Now, it didn't pan out. The guy was perfectly nice and everything, we just didn't mesh. But I had my date! I met my goal! I was done for the year! Wait....what? Yep, that was my thinking. I had met my goal and was able to put it behind me. If any other dates came up, they would just be icing.

So, fast forward to this years resolution. I'm at the same place, with the same people (my two best friends who happen to be married to each other), and I decide I'm going to up the ante. Maybe I'll go for TWO dates this year. Woohoo! Then Kelley, my evil best friend, said "Well, it needs to be more than that. How about one a month!" Huh? You want me to have twelve dates? In one year? Do you even know me? I've been divorced for 7 1/2 years. I can count on one hand how many dates I've had in that time. Now you want me to go for twelve?

So, I've been challenged. Now I actually have to do something about it. I've done the unthinkable. I actually went and signed up for one of those free dating sights (no I won't say which one). Sigh..............oh, lord. I don't know if I'll be able to take it. It's such a weird and alien concept to me. I'll post my experiences as they come up.

I don't know why I don't date any more than I do. I go to work and I go home. I have friends. I do have a little bit of a life. I'm fairly attractive. Yes, I'm dealing with weight I've put on since I quit smoking 2 years ago, but I'm not obese by any means. And I am working on that (it's just taking longer than I thought. Damned middle age). I just think that for all the self-esteem I tell myself I have, I'm kind of figuring out that it's lower than I thought it was. And that bugs me. A lot. I'm a strong woman who comes from a line of strong women. Why the hell am I letting one little date (or twelve) wig me out?

Hence the face. Oh, well. I'll figure it out.